Navigating Family Dynamics: The Role of Boundaries
In Families and Family Therapy, famed family therapist Sal Minuchin defines boundaries as “the rules for who communicates closeness and distance within a family system, and how.”
Boundaries exist both within the family system and between the family system and the outside world. Some values are communicated clearly, but most family rules are covert and can be contradictory over time. Covert communication of family rules includes nonverbal cues, the pace of speech between family members, and who speaks when.
Image from the article “Parallel Computations with DNA-Encoded Chemical Reaction Networks”, by Guillaume Gines and colleagues.
Let’s use the image above from molecular biology to visualize how communication works within and between families.
Imagine that each circle represents a family system rather than a cell. Ideally, family systems resemble picture B, which depicts semi-permeable boundaries. These boundaries allow information to move in and out of the family system smoothly.
Remember, families have sub-systems, often along generational lines. Parents need strategies to share information exclusively among themselves and strategies to share information with the younger generations, their children.
Minuchin notes that families can create semi-permeable boundaries by focusing on the following four tasks:
A clear understanding of each person’s role in the family system through consistent communication.
Interactions that facilitate individual growth and development while maintaining cohesion and connectedness through support and empathy.
Clear strategies for resolving conflict and eliminating factors that disrupt problem-solving (e.g., substance abuse).
The assumption that change is natural and the ability to respond flexibly to these changes.
Rigid vs. Diffuse Family Boundaries
Of course, boundaries can become too closed or rigid, as shown in picture C. In these systems, family members are disengaged due to low levels of interaction or authoritarian rule by one or more members, which traps others in restrictive roles that hinder their development. Children lack permission to approach their parents for support and must learn to negotiate conflict on their own.
Boundaries can also become too open or diffuse, as shown in picture A. In these systems, family members are over-involved and enmeshed, compromising personal space and neglecting individual development needs. Parents share too much information with their children, inappropriately involving them in the parental subsystem. In these families, information is often public, leading to anxiety due to the lack of boundaries.
One primary way to assess the strength of family boundaries is by examining the role of privacy. How well can each person maintain their own perspectives, activities, and preferences without interference from others?
In families with rigid boundaries, individuals may do their own thing, but their lives are not shared with other family members. In families with diffuse boundaries, there is little room for privacy and individuality; attempts at privacy are often met with criticism, guilt-tripping, and gossip.