Episode 11: Deadly Sexual Sin #5 (According to the Church): Don't Watch Porn, with Cayte Castrillon, part 2
Last week, we talked with Cayte Castrillon about her research on the pornography consumption of teenage girls impacts the ways they view their bodies, relationships, and perceptions of men.
We continue our conversation with Cayte this week about how we can talk about pornography in our sexual and non-sexual relationships, and ways we can remove shame, comparison, and judgment from these interactions.
Jeremiah summarizes Cayte’s position in the introduction (4:10):
“We're not at fault for our social conditioning, but we are responsible for it. We have to reflect on how we have developed as sexual beings, how that impacts us and our relationships, and then ask ourselves, am I content with who I am as a sexual person? Or do I want to be more intentional about who I am, who I want to be, and for the sake of our conversation, what I want to consume?”
Cayte asks her research participants what would be different if they were to design pornography (8:50). “Almost unanimously,” she describes, “there was more communication about the types of touch that are pleasurable. More clitoral stimulation, more gentle touch on the rest of my body.”
We also talk about the ways that pornography invites unhealthy comparison (18:20): Cayte reports her research participants asking questions like, “Am I performing? Am I having an orgasm? How am I having an orgasm? Are my breasts responding like that? Is my vulva responding like that?” The “what-if’s” are unlimited, Cayte summarizes.
How moral reactions prevent us from having conversations about pornography (25:00): Julia reflects, “And then the moral panic is a red herring from the conversations that we need to have. And it actually stops us from talking about it, because being good or bad actually isn't a conversation about pornography or sexuality at all. That's about someone's value system. It's important to talk about value systems, but I would say value systems within sexual health versus the binary of good or bad value systems.” Cayte responds by describing how sex education processes reenforce the larger cultural morality and judgment.
How to talk about porn with your partner (34:50): Cayte describes the usefulness of a third-party source, such as a sex therapist or a podcast. (She recommends the podcast Girls on Porn.) She also reminds us, “If you are going to have a conversation, if you're gonna tiptoe, which I would recommend tiptoeing in. I think a good first step would be how do you even conceptualize watching porn?”
How to talk about porn with your children (48:45): Cayte encourages parents that conversations about pornography “don't have to be all at once. It doesn't have to be long, drawn out conversations with, , diagrams and PowerPoints. It can be, 100 one minute conversations. It can be, in the car, not looking eye to eye with your kid.”
We conclude by sharing ethical pornography resources, including, but not limited to (58:00):
A huge thanks to Cayte for all of her help, research, and resources! We look forward to sharing more of Cayte’s publications as they come along.
Let’s heal together!