Episode #56: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Anger Can Be a Vital Resource for Processing Trauma and Beginning Change, with Sarah Stankorb
It's well documented that reporting abuse to larger systems is a daunting process. The Southern Baptist Convention is the latest organization to have been outed for the ways that it protects perpetrators of violence, especially against women and children, two categories of people whose stories are commonly dismissed in our larger society.
We're thrilled to have Sarah Stankorb on our podcast. Sarah Stankorb is the author of the national best-seller Disobedient Women. The award-winning, Ohio-based writer talks about religion, politics, feminism, health, technology, and the public good. In Disobedient Women, she outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission.
In this episode, Sarah talks with us about the emotional and relational processes that empower women to share their stories and hold systems accountable for their actions. We discuss:
Impact v. Intent (4:00): Jeremiah says: “The way that something impacts someone is often much more important in the immediacy of the conversation than the intent.”
Accessing Anger (7:00): Julia discusses, "Accessing anger around my negative supervision process was just the entry point to access anger about much more significant parts of my story and the stories of others on a systemic level.”
How the Church Enables Abuse (11:00): Sarah outlines how abuse functions within the Church walls. “God sanctioned the abuse that they had dealt with … The greatest power in the universe is on the side of the people who are hurting you.”
Demonizing Anger (18:00): Julia notes: “In and outside of religious systems the narrative around anger in women is so demonized, literally and figuratively.”
Untethered Empathy (21:00): Sarah discusses Christian rhetoric and how it shames men from speaking up by reinforcing gender norms, “If you are angry, even a man, sticking up for one of these women, you have untethered empathy, you are too emotional.”
The Weight of Speaking Up (28:00): Sarah talks about the challenges of speaking up within the Church system: “You’re turning to another Church leader because a Church leader is abusing you. The sheer weight of that. And your entire Church community depends upon these people and believing in them, as someone standing in for God and speaking on behalf of God. That’s a very scary thing to do.”
The Novel and Journalism (34:00): Julia offers her opinion on successful journalism and how it applies to Sarah’s book: “The best journalism doesn’t tell you what to think or feel. The best journalism allows you to have access to a source as direct as possible, and then you read that and can internalize the power of the story.”
Bravery (37:00): Jeremiah talks about the power of the system and the bravery to go against it: “Speaking out against a system that is both backed by the authority of God and also fueled by a series of behaviors, dismissals, any number of things to deny accountability, that takes a special kind of bravery.”
Defining Bravery (40:00): Sarah offers an incredible definition of bravery: “I wrote this book about incredibly courageous women, who were raised to be so tiny … they did the opposite. And in doing the opposite, they took on power that was maybe a whole lot bigger than they imagined they’d be taking on. They found other bold and silent folks alongside them who needed to hear that.”
Trad-Wife Trend (43:50): Jeremiah outlines the ultra-conservative trad-wife movement, “The trad-wife community is also part of a larger ultra-conservative movement that is doing whatever it can to gain momentum in the 2020’s.” In discussing the “trad-wife” trend, Sarah points out that “it’s frightening how relevant I think this book will be for quite a while.”
A huge thanks to Sarah for capturing and representing these stories so eloquently and bravely.
Let's heal together!