Respect is earned by making agreements between two people and keeping them. And when you don't keep those agreements, making sure that you hold yourself accountable and talk about the things that prevented you from keeping those agreements and talking about how you wanted to do better next time.

When admiration for our partners is not taught or modeled, people can default onto gender norms as a way to show their appreciation. Appreciation then becomes about performing the gender role as opposed to celebrating the holistic person and uniqueness of the relationship.